Quiet and healing for the soul

Monday Moleben and Akathist

Last night I arrived early at church to prepare for the regular Monday Moleben with Akathist, and to await the arrival of someone for an appointment. We have served a Moleben each week for a long time, with prayer for a long list of names – all of our parish members, our parish “sort of” members, friends from other local parishes and a long list of people on our public prayer list, who have requested prayer.

It is one of the most important things I do. It is also often quite hard to do. This is because of me; anything in which the soul feels heavy and does not want to do something is because of us. Let’s be honest here. We all have weak faith, and the best we can do if we want to eventually have real, warm and perfect faith is to be like the son in the parable who at first said he would not go into the field to work, but later repented, and went to work. Our Lord tells us that he did the will of his father, and not the other son who said he would go, but did not.

This parable has always been a great comfort to me. It tells me that I can receive a blessing even from imperfect obedience, and that the most important part of obedience is not what we say or feel, but what we do.  This describes a lot of stuff that I do, or, often, describes the way I start to do things. In the case of the Moleben, which, because of the Akathist and the long list of names repeated three times is a rather long service,  when I am tired and sometimes alone in the temple, I am always happy that I prayed after I have begun.

I was born for this – to pray, and show my love for others by praying for them, and doing what they cannot or will not do for themselves. I may be alone, or, as it was this night, with only one other person, or perhaps with as many as 10 or a few more, but I cannot think of a more efficacious use of my time.

I was thinking during the Moleben (it would be better not to be thinking so much, but our thoughts are like the wind, and hard to stop or even catch) that “it was good to be here”, because I was fulfilling one of my most important pastoral duties for my people – praying for them, aloud, but also that these evenings, especially when I am alone or almost alone are very healing to my soul. Sometimes I am like the son who did not want to go, but went, and other times I serve with enthusiasm and zeal from beginning to end, but in every case, I have done something important, and I absolutely know that in some way I have become stronger, better.

My parish needs me to get better. I cannot give what I do not have, and on some level, I feel more strength when I pray alone, or when I am tired. The stronger I get, the more strength I can give to those I love.  Of course, it is great when the church is full of those praying with me, but this is very rare on any day except a Sunday.

I try very hard to teach my flock the restorative nature of the services, but many do not seem to “get it”.  Sunday is still “the day’ to go to church, with Saturday (my favorite) a far distant second, and the other days of the week not even “on the radar”. I know that job and other responsibilities can cut into attendance, but this does not account for everything. Part of my prayer, as it were, a “groaning” in my heart, is that all of my flock, and the many that I pray for who are not my flock, or are sort of part of the flock will develop a great zeal for prayer and be comforted in everything in their life.

I am a stubborn guy. I know that true happiness only comes from moral change and the increasing

knowledge of our beautiful God that accompanies and assists it. Prayer is a big part of this. I must be honest with myself – if I teach my flock how important it is to pray – I must pray!

I also noticed something as I was lighting the lamps. It had been a difficult day. I had stumbled upon a passive aggressive attack from a person I know but have never known. I was upset that this person would most likely never apologize and most likely go on as in the past, with snarky accusations, and an air of superiority, without direct communication and person to person honesty and compunction. I came to a conclusion. This person has never really acted like a friend, so they are more like an enemy than a friend. We should pray for our enemies. I have promised to pray for this person in my daily prayers. This brings me more peace. I give the advice all the time that we must pray for anyone we have a conflict with, and I follow it myself. There may be incidents in the future, and I am still upset, but I am sure that my opinion will soften and become perfected as I pray. I was looking forward to mentioning this name for the first time in the Moleben.

I also felt a great peace in the quiet church as I lit the lamps. I would wish for all my flock that they come early sometimes, and light the lamps, and take stock of their lives. Really, all that matters is that we gain true peace.

Priest Seraphim Holland 2011.     St Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church, McKinney, Texas

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http://www.orthodox.net/journal/2011-07-11-quiet-and-healing-for-the-soul+monday-moleben-and-akathist.html

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Mark 8:22-26 – 30^th Tuesday after Pentecost

Today’s Gospel reading (Dec 15/28, 2010) [1] is much like a parable. It is a factual recounting of the healing of the blind man at Bethsaida, and is one of the shortest recounting of a healing in the Gospels, but it has a very important and rare detail – and this detail makes it also a type of parable for us.

The blind man was healed by degrees, and not all at once, as in almost every other healing of Jesus. The first, partial healing, was that a man who formerly could not see anything could now “see men as trees, walking” – that is – he could see poorly, fuzzily. After Jesus put his hands again on him and made him look up (this is no accident, there is important symbolism here! (what is it [2])) he could see clearly.

This can be thought of as a “parable” describing all spiritual healing. We get better by degrees. Here is another example of scripture being intensely personal – and we must read it in a personal way. We read it for personal reproof, instruction in righteousness, wisdom, encouragement [3]. This healing is not a factoid or merely a historical item – it describes our healing too.

Of course, anyone with even weak and almost blind eyes “to see” knows that he has blindness – he does not always “see” things as they are, and certainly cannot see God as He is – and this is certainly because of impurity, and overall weakness and incompetence.

It is alright to acknowledge this – it is the truth! Our world does not like to acknowledge sin and weakness, either because our pride and vanity is repelled by such thoughts, or because in our political (in)correct age, honesty about oneself is labeled as poor “self-esteem”. True, Christian, healthy “self-esteem” is to know deeply that we are sinners and yet /we are becoming perfected, putting off darkness, and becoming light.

All lasting healing is by degrees. In this healing, the degrees proceeded rapidly, but in our lives, the degrees of healing take an entire lifetime. When I read this scripture passage, I am very much encouraged, because I get better very little at a time, and there are days and weeks and even years when I see little progress, but when I recollect a little I know I have gotten better. There is a little more heaven in me, a little more peace. I am not the man I was, and I will become the man that today I cannot be.

This is the “Good News”, stated in another way. The Gospel is infinite, so it can be stated and described in an infinite number of ways. Today, it tells us that we will be healed, even by degrees, as this was the purpose of the God-man, the Good Samaritan.

Mark 8:22-26 22 And he cometh to Bethsaida; and they bring a blind man unto him, and besought him to touch him. 23 And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw ought. 24 And he looked up, and said, I see men as trees, walking. 25 After that he put his hands again upon his eyes, and made him look up: and he was restored, and saw every man clearly. 26 And he sent him away to his house, saying, Neither go into the town, nor tell it to any in the town.

Priest Seraphim Holland 2010.     St Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church, McKinney, Texas

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http://www.orthodox.net/scripture/pentecost-tuesday-30_2010+i-see-men-as-trees-the-parable-of-the-healing-of-the-blind-man-of-bethsaida_mark8-22-26.doc

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Two weeks ago she was cavorting with her new companion, Princess, a 1 year old miniature schnauzer, and the two have become best friends. Sasha has always loved people, but the Akita in her (she is half Akita, half Border Collie)  has always been very dominant with other dogs, especially females. When I was offered to take Princess home, from a parishioner who cannot keep her anymore, I brought Sasha to the house, and she met Princess on the little dogs’ territory. They became fast friends. Princess is not your typical Schnauzer – she doe not bark, except very occasionally when excited and playing with Sasha.

I have watched these two play wrestle many happy times. My wife is probably tired of me mentioning how much I love to watch them play (almost as much as my bragging about my resting heart rate of 40!) 

I knew Sasha had cancer (a mediastinal growth) for over a year, but she has still had a lot of vigor for an old girl, and only a couple weeks ago, she was running in the woods with my grandchildren and I.

I do not have any illusions about dogs. I don’t have any patience for all that new age stuff. They do not go to heaven, and they are not angels. They have a soul, as all animals do, but their soul is not eternal. When they die, they pass out of existence, but while they live, the exceptional ones are a great gift from our creator, and Sasha has been so good to me so many times, than I have thought of her as a kind of “guardian angel”. 

I have been through a lot of life with Sasha. I got her from the pound in Plano, only days before I was to go on a trip to Russia. I was in pretty big trouble for this, because, shall we say, I made a unilateral decision. When I saw Sasha at the pound, she was an absolutely beautiful , alert 1-2 year old dog, in a large cage with at least 8 other dogs. As I walked to the cage, all the dogs were against the cage, barking. Sasha was not barking, but just looked at me, and, I do not want to be too mystical here – we (Sasha and me) just knew.

Sasha likes everybody, but she has always been my dog. Most of her life, if I was home, she wanted to be with me. Only lately, did she not as readily get up and come join me when I went into my study, but she always came when called.

I believe dogs teach us a lot about Christianity. They are loyal, obedient, and they always forgive. I have had plenty of difficult times in the past 10 or so years, and Sasha always seemed to know. When I was really down, she would come and join me on the couch. Normally she did not like to sit on the couch, but on the floor beside me. She has always been a constant in my life. I am not much of a constant – I have good days and bad ones, but Sasha always had good days, and was always chose to not leave my side when she sensed I was not doing so well.

For Sasha, I am grateful to God. She was there for me in some dark times. I am glad that god’s love is so powerful that is can even be expressed in the ways of senseless animals.

I will miss Sasha, and in some ways I do not need such a special companion anymore, but I hope that someday I can find one that is like her.

Priest Seraphim Holland 2010.     St Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church, McKinney, Texas

This article is at: http://www.orthodox.net/journal/2010-12-08+dogs-and-heaven+sasha.doc

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We should look upon all the faithful as one person and consider that Christ is in each one of them

By St Symeon the New Theologion

A text that Elder Porphyrios loved.

Elder Porphyrios persistently taught that our love for our fellow man should be such that we look upon them as we look upon ourselves. At one time he had asked one of his spiritual children to photocopy the following article of St. Symeon, the New Theologian, which was handed out to his visitors.

We should look upon all the faithful as one person and consider that Christ is in each one of them.

We should have such love for them that we are ready to sacrifice our very lives for them.

For it is incumbent upon us neither to say, nor think of any person as evil, but we must look upon everyone as good.

If you see a brother afflicted with a passion, do not hate him. Hate the passion that makes war upon him.

And if you see him being terrorized by the habits and desires of previous sins, have compassion on him. Maybe you too will be afflicted by temptation, since you are also made from matter that easily turns from good to evil.

Love towards your brother prepares you to love God even more.

The secret, therefore, of love towards God is love towards your brother.

For if you don't love your brother whom you can see, how is it possible to love God, Whom you do not see?

"For he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God Whom he has not seen" (1 Jn. 4:20)

Priest Seraphim Holland 2009.     St Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church, McKinney, Texas

This article is at:

http://www.orthodox.net/journal/a-text-that-elder-porphyrios-loved-by-st-symeon-the-new-theologion.html

and

http://www.orthodox.net/journal/a-text-that-elder-porphyrios-loved-by-st-symeon-the-new-theologion.doc

Originally from: http://www.oodegr.com/english/biblia/Porfyrios_Martyries_Empeiries/A7.htm

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I am finding that I have much more anticipation of the liturgy then I had earlier in my ministry. I am not sure why that it, but I think several things have contributed.

I have seen God’s grace move through our parish after we started celebrating at least one weekday liturgy – we have been doing this for over two years. We have built a temple that we could not afford (and a rational, worldly man would say we cannot afford it even now), and I have noticed subtle, invisible things in my soul. I am not a better person, but I pray more, and the liturgy is an incredible consolation.

Building was tense, and keeping the building has its moments too. I should not be anxious! I am a Christian! But, the fact remains, that due to weak faith, I do get anxious. This anxiety is obliterated by the liturgy. Of course, it comes back, but the feeling (that is not the right word – I do not think there is a word) I had during the Liturgy remains.

I am a priest, and must pray for my flock, and anyone who “crosses my path”. This I do, but prayer alone is very difficult. There are the inevitable “mind games”. I know that the “effective prayer of a righteous man availeth much”, but I am not righteous, and I “hear” the whispers of “Do not trouble the Master” (because I am sinful). Of course, through all of this I still pray, but I do not pray well. I have the great privilege to be a priest of the Most High God and when I serve the liturgy, I have great confidence in my prayers before the altar, God receives the prayers of his priests. I know that the wine and bread become the body and blood of Christ through my ministrations, and not in any way because of my virtue, not any bit less than if St John Chrysostom was serving, and also know that in the same way (but I think, somewhat less), my pastoral supplications before the altar are received by God because He receives the prayers of his priests.

I have been reading books about and by Fr Silouan, Archimandrite Sophrony and Archimandrite Zacharias (three generations!). and have been deeply affected by many things in these books. Some time I will find the quote, but I believe Fr Sophrony said that he only felt truly alive when he was celebrating the liturgy, and outside of the liturgy, he felt like he was dying. Fr Zacharias has described Fr Sophrony’s zeal for the liturgy – a zeal much great than my own – and this has also made a deep impression on me. I in my own sinful way, I have  started thinking this way. So much of what I do daily is “dead” – mind wandering, wasting time, useless and stupid emotions of irritation, anxiety, anger, etc – and even my prayer “in my closet” can often have little warmth, but during the liturgy I am in the presence of life and truly alive, and my prayer has life in it.

A pastor's life is filled with problems. Any psychological approach to them inevitably causes fatigue, fear, anxiety, confusion. Celebrating the liturgy is not a psychological solution, but a spiritual one (the idea of turning a psychological feeling into a spiritual one I have gleaned from Archimandrite Zacharias – and it deserves much attention). I am not confused when I celebrate the liturgy. I do not forget the problems, and for many of them, I still have no idea what to do, or remembering them causes a great emotional “sting” in my heart, but at no other time am I so sure that God will help me in all things, and help those I love and care for. I am never so happy as when I am praying for my loved ones during the liturgy!

So much of my time is wasted! I do not always pray well in the liturgy, but it is never a waste of time.

These are just a few of the reasons I can think of off the top of my head about what the liturgy means to me. At the beginning of the liturgy the priest announces the Kingdom (Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto the ages of ages!) , and we enter it. What better place can we be or more important activity can we do?

I am convinced that I was born to serve the liturgy. I do not know why, and I do not do it well, but I am intensely grateful for the great blessing to do so.

Priest Seraphim Holland 2010.     St Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church, McKinney, Texas

This article is at:

http://www.orthodox.net/journal/2010-12-02+divine-liturgy+the-one-thing-needful.doc

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Orthodox and Heterodoxy during the Season of Advent

The Holy Spirit outside the church

Why baptism? Why the Church? Why “Right Worship”?

The Orthodox are the priests and monastics of the people of God

 I [1] have been thinking a lot about the relationship between the Orthodox and their non-Orthodox brothers and sisters in Christ.  I have witnessed, experienced and read countless accounts of the abundant grace of God, the transforming power and miraculous work of the Holy Spirit outside of the walls of the Orthodox Church.  Even in the midst of much error, ignorance and confusion, Christ is clearly present.  Just as God poured out the Holy Spirit on Gentiles not long after Pentecost, sometimes even before they were baptized, so He pours out His Holy Spirit on all who call on his name and desire pure hearts.

So what then is the necessity of the Orthodox, of Orthodox baptism and worship, some might ask?

I think the Orthodox are the priests and monastics of the people of God, as well as the preservers of the fullness of the Church given to us by Christ. 

Looking at the structure of our temple has led me to think about these things.  Before Christ, the temple was the place where the children of God gathered to pray to the Lord–and their prayers sustained the world.  In the outer area, the children of Israel gathered to worship and pray. Then there was the altar where the Levites served and priests offered sacrifices for the people – and the Holy of Holies which only the high priest could enter. 

Today, it is the followers of Christ who are God's people.  All can stand in the narthex to pray and worship our God and pray for the world, just as the children of Israel once did in the courtyard of the temple.  The Orthodox in the nave then represent the priests, standing in the altar, offering up our sacrifice of prayer and fasting, keepers of the sacred tradition handed to us by Christ.  The altar where the Orthodox priest enters on our behalf is, of course, the new Holy of Holies. 

Like monastics, the Orthodox pray, fast and asceticize more than other Christians. 

They are the intercessors before the Lord and His saints on behalf of their brothers and sisters that live more in the world. 

Without the mighty prayers of those who answered the monastic call of God, the Church would likely have failed. 

Without the Orthodox having preserved the fullness of the teachings of Christ and of His Church, Christianity would not have survived, either. 

The rest of Christendom, along with the whole world, survives off of the intercession and labor of the Orthodox Church of Christ on their behalf.

So at Christmastime, while some celebrate Christmas as a time of feasting and exchanging gifts, others withdraw into the cell of their souls to pray and fast.  Even the Enemy's attempt to spoil the beautiful picture with his garish threads of commercialism and dark threads of secularism cannot diminish this picture—the glory of the world preparing to receive her King.

It will be a beautiful and wonderful thing when all the people of God, all those that love Christ, all those to whom and through whom the Lord is ministering, are one – when all who love and follow Him are finally 'Orthodox', is another way of putting it – even if this is not until after His return . 

To these words, I add some things, which I thought of when I read my email.

I have a theory – the less monastic and "struggling" a church is, and therefore the more secular – the more the lines are blurred between where the church is and where it is not.

We see this secularism in drastically reduced and omitted services, either very infrequent communion, or frequent communion with no preparation, a hatred and distrust of monasticism or even little or no knowledge of it, bishops who do not live openly ascetical, monastic lives, and other symptoms.

I believe that one of the worst things the calendar change did was bring many Orthodox closer to secular Christianity (an oxymoron, really), and decreased their spiritual life in numerous ways.

Of course, not everyone following the Pope’s calendar are secular, and many who follow the Julian calendar are barely Christian, but, at least in this country, in many places the church has lost its way. We need more asceticism – not less, and this must be personal asceticism, where we fast and pray, and give alms, and look to the mind of the church and not secular life for inspiration. We also need bishops who truly live and act as bishops – that is, inspirations to the faithful, because they live a sober and monastic life. We have too many administrators and not enough spiritual men.

I wonder sometimes -  what am I doing! – when I finish a vigil with myself and one or two other people present – but I always know in my heart that I cannot be what I am not, and I cannot be other than what I am. I am a sinner, but also a Christian priest, and my service, whether almost alone, or in a crowded church, (especially my service outside of Sunday, which seems to be the only “traditional” day when the majority of Orthodox Christians think they should go to church) is part of what was written above: Orthodox are the priests and monastics of the people of God, as well as the preservers of the fullness of the Church given to us by Christ.

Priest Seraphim Holland 2009.     St Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church, McKinney, Texas

This article is at: http://www.orthodox.net/journal/2010-12-01+orthodox-and-heterodoxy-advent+-holy-spirit-outside-the-church+-orthodox-are-the-priests-and-monastics-of-the-people-of-god.doc

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