Orthodox Deacon's Union Threatens Strike
April 1, 1998

The recently formed Orthodox Deacon's Union (ODU) announced today that its membership is threatening to strike unless several key issues are resolved.

"Presbyters may have presveia, but they need to remember that the deacons appeared earlier -- one need only read the Acts of the Apostles to be reminded of this", stated Deacon Haralambos Hadzipapaharalambopoulos.

"Deacons are tired of carrying the weight of liturgical effort without the commensurate compensation", chimed in Deacon Boris Spoutinoff.

"Some may be offended by our actions, but we truly believe the outcome of our efforts will bear fruit for everyone's benefit at some point between now and the Eschaton", insisted Deacon James P.T. Barnum.

"We are convinced that we represent not only our own will but also the pleromatic confluence of laitic and hieratic synergy as expressed in the self-reflective emanation of our insular assertions", added Deacon George Falafelhummus.

Also, ODU is proposing "The Virtual Deacon" CD-ROM, which should provided needed relief to the many presbyters who suffer without the benefit of having deacons to assist them.

Finally, ODU spokeshuman April Fullen said, "We hope that people will strive to discern the full meaning of these statements. It would behoove one and all to look beyond the face value."