Sounds like my girls : ).

The Lord uses many different ways to awake us from our spiritual sleep. Sometimes they seem really hard, “too strict”, “unfair”, but when time passes by, we understand how necessary they were, how timely, and feel apprehensive that God could not give us this chance, and if asked whether we prefer this lesson to never take place, or to never realize what God gave us, we, even having undergone sufferings, connected with this, will reconfirm that we’d prefer never to lose that blessed opportunity to know that He is with us, He takes care of us. And we’d never want to prefer to get the best in this life, as this world gives us, to what He gives us.

When I came to Church, and even when I believed, due to God’s grace, I wondered (and still wonder) how it could be with me? It was unreal - this happiness, this blessing - for me?! This thought makes me awake sometimes, when I allow myself despondency, complaints, etc. The thought, like the alarm, sound in my head - what if it had not happen to me? what could my life be? How awful if would be it it had not happened!! It doesn’t mean of course that I myself became better or I might be worse, but this would have been life without Christ, without the Holy Communion, without wonderful people I met…I think: how can I complain if I am surrounded by people I do not totally deserve?! if i received so many blessings?!

May God help me to become “a child of light”!

But sleep is so enticing when I am exhausted…it feels so good to close my eyes and shut out the world, the noise….the light. And to remain in bed in the morning, under the warm covers instead of facing the cold day of Reality. Of course, reality goes on even when I am sleeping. And all those who depend on my wakefulness and service suffer when I “sleep in”. I suffer. My sleeping, unmoving body gives in to the law of entropy and begins to run down….

How do I stay awake? How do I make myself rise to keep the morning watch? The answer is that I cannot on my own. It is the Lord who wakes me in the Garden of Gesthemane when I have fallen asleep. He it is that sends the storms to rouse me when I am sleeping in the ships of Tarshish. He is the one who raises me up to keep the morning watch.

One of my sons has recently developed an anxiety about his inability to pay attention and his wandering thoughts during our morning and evening prayers together. He interrupts me with pleas for me to please read a prayer over again–and even then he often says he still missed it and wants me to read it AGAIN. I wish I could say that I am always patient about this…We’ve tried various techniques to help him with his problem with focus and attention (which he inherited from his mom, BTW) while praying. Currently, I stop every few sentences and say “Attend”. This reminds him to keep his mind focused.

Your post has made me realize that there is a metaphor in this. We must learn to stay vigilant every moment–our survival depends on it. My young son is struggling to stay focused—but he needs help. I need help. I need those who will patiently repeat the same things over and over again to me until I ‘get it’. I need those who will remind me to “Attend!” I need the storms that rouse me from my slumbering cruise to Hell. I need the Lord to continue to wake me and remind me that the day of the Lord it is at hand.

Eventually, I will learn to stay focused and awake–and to resist the urge to hit the snooze button (more than once) for a few more minutes of sleep. But in the meantime, I am eternally grateful to those whom the Lord has sent to wake me, “lest I sleep unto death.”

Bless and Pray for,

Deborah

A blog post about blogging counts as a topic–but you can only get away with that once!:)

Looking forward to your daily insights during the fast.

Bless,

Deborah

I have to say TOO much here. That makes it unrealistic for me to comment on it…

Maybe just this: being brought up without a father, I know too well what it is God’s help through wonderful people. Though I didn’t have father (de facto), with the course of time I received another gift from God - upbringing in the church. My fathers - spiritual advisers. God’s children. Shepherds. It’s impossible for me not to realize how graceful Son of God is sending me this rescuing hand, due to which I, falling so often under the pressure of my sins & problems, am still capable to get up… I don’t have many questions, but I cherish theirs answer, I listen to them, holding my breath, and wondering meanwhile that it all is said for me, unworthy of all this, and it all is so necessary for my particular soul. And more - I listen to their silence. Being happy & considering it’s as a miracle - being able to be in their presence, to listen to this blessed silence, to be bestowed by their prayers. I believe - it’s their prayers, as well as prayers of my dear beloved friends, will be a powerful tool, helping me in my last moment, and defending me from devilish schemes. I am unaware whether they will outweigh my sins, but I strongly hope. As I know that God hears the prayers of His servants.

And what terrifies me - is that I, watching such people & having the chance to get the best, am too slow to learn & to acquire. That spending so much time near them, I remain what I am. This is my imperishable pain…

Asking your prayers, needing them,

God’s sinful slave
Natalia

I have had to fight despondency, in the past, over the struggles, sorrows and weaknesses of just the handful of people God has placed in my care. I cannot even imagine being in your position.

You have our constant and fervent prayers, Father–and may God make us all honest men.

Bless

“So, love must exist with obedience, or it is not love. Without perfect love, there will always be fear. … The only thing that will relieve these fears is love, and as the Brother of the Lord teaches us, we will know if a person loves by his actions.”

Growing up I was taught about love and I was taught about obedience, but I don’t recall ever really being taught the relationship between the two or the fact that the Love of God and obedience to God are inextricably linked. Of course, it is right there in scripture, plain as day:

“He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me” John 14:21

“If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love” John 15:21

….and the simplest one of all:

“If ye love me, [you will] keep my commandments.” John 14:15.

Such an easy little verse to read and memorize, such a difficult one to really understand, and harder still to fulfill—especially without the teaching and aid of the Church. So I could not break the vicious cycle of fear and sin in my life. Sin leads to fear—fear of the consequences of our actions, fear of punishment, fear of the judgment of God… This fear causes us to hide from God and from each other and to seek ‘fig leaves’ to cover ourselves. We run to the ships of Tarshish to escape our fears, to attempt to flee from God and His judgment. But this just leads to more sin—and more fear. The terrible cycle continues. Lord, have mercy!

But when the love of God intervenes to interrupt this cycle, a new cycle begins. The tormenting cycle of sin and fear is replaced with the blessed cycle of love and obedience. God’s love calls us to obedience and our obedience increases our love—which increases our obedience. “We love him, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19) His love initiates this eternal dance of perfect love and perfect submission. And “there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear” Glory be to God!!

Whether you are able to respond are not we are grateful for your edifying and challenging posts which inspire us to think (and I have to write when I think).

Thank You and Bless,

Deborah

Our blog has so many insightful comments - this is one of many. I should try harder to reply to them, to keep up a dialogue, but it seems that I am not wired that way.

Why were they afraid? Deborah answers the question - they did not have perfect love.

Our children have taught us an important principle - keep asking questions. You know, when your 3 year old asks why, and you explain, and then they ask something about the explanation, and so on, until you feel like you are going crazy.

We must be like a (mature) child in our questioning. No, this is not an oxymoron. We are called to be as little children - but the Lord did not intend for us to be as children in EVERYTHING, but to glean the best parts of their character - their purity and zeal, obedience and openness, thirst for knowledge and ability to forgive.

So, as a three year old, let us pursue the subject farther. HOW did they not love?

They did not follow God’s law, which they knew well. They did not follow the simple externals of the law, such as “do not keep pigs”, nor did they follow the pinnacle of the law, to love God so wholeheartedly that they would love their neighbor as God loves him.

When there is partial love, there is partial forgiveness (remember the woman who washed Jesus’ feet). With partial forgiveness, there is partial healing, partial confidence before God. Their conduct made them fear the presence of God, just as Adam and Eve were afraid in the garden after they ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

So, love must exist with obedience, or it is not love. Without perfect love, there will always be fear. We are a nation and a worldwide people beset with fear. Anxiety is epidemic, and people are trying all sorts of remedies – medicines, secular counseling, Eastern religion, indulgence of the senses and self. The only thing that will relieve these fears is love, and as the Brother of the Lord teaches us, we will know if a person loves by his actions.

Thank you for these beautiful words, Natalia.

“prelestj” I would be interested in knowing the translation and explanation of this word.

The Gadarene townspeople were possessed by their fears. Like ‘Legion’ they were terrified by the presence of the Savior and desired Him to go away and leave them alone. The Lord knew that these poor souls were as helpless as the man from whom He cast out the demons and He had mercy on them–He commanded the formerly possessed man to remain as a testimony of His grace, deliverance and power, to live among them, to love them and declare what great things the Lord had done for him–so that they, too, might have their demons cast out:

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

When I took up reading the Psalter (in Slavonic) I was afraid I’d not be able to understand the letters, it seemed to me so unlike Russian. But to my surprise I encountered no difficulty. Thank God! Now I adore the Psalter, always take it with me when travel, as well as my “pocket” Gospel, and happy about it.

besides, the Psalter is a GREAT means of consolation for a soul, when we suffer…

BTW: I’ve recently learned that not all the Psalms belong to St David. Only 15 of them. Others were composed in the same manner by righteous people. Unfortunately, I have no more details about that, as well as who wrote those wonderful prayers following the Kathismas, and when…

Remaining spiritually always with you,
Natalia