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Walking on the water A parable of our own lives.

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

We need many 4th watches in the night

Don’t be afraid of having feelings that are negative. Just don’t give in to them.

9th Sunday after Pentecost
Matthew 14:22-34

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Brothers and sisters, I’ve told you many times that when we read the Scriptures, we must apply them to ourselves. First we must understand what they say, dogmatically; and when you understand this, then there is application to your personal life. Like I’ve said before, not what kind of car you should buy or should you go to this college or that. It’s spiritual things.

Much of the Scripture can be thought of allegorically. You must be careful with this, not to have any fanciful fantasies about the Scripture, but to apply the Scripture to your lives.

And this particular selection today for the 9th Sunday after Pentecost, where Jesus walks on the water, is particularly good to apply to our own personal lives. When I read this Scripture, I think about my own personal weaknesses - and yours too. The reason I know this, not because I’m a mind reader but because you’re human and you have human weaknesses and passions and get tired and get lonely and are unsure of yourself and have darkness in your heart just like everybody else.

So it feels like the fourth watch of the night to me sometimes, just like it did to the Apostles.

When Jesus came to them on the water, it was late in the morning, just before the sun would rise. They had been at sea the entire evening and there was a terrible storm. And they were in a very small ship, and they were in danger of sinking and the Lord was not with them, or so they thought.

Of course, the Lord is always with us. But He was not visibly with them because He was on a mountain praying apart from them. And He had sent them out in the ship to go to the other side, away from the multitudes.

So the Lord sends us, sends me, sends you.

Christianity is not just collections of facts, not just things we know, not just wonderful stories of saints that inspire us. It is life. It is how to live. We have a task. We are told to do it. So the Lord sends us, and we go before Him.

The Lord is not walking the earth anymore. Of course, He’s with us but not visibly with us. And sometimes, let’s admit it, we don’t feel Him. Of course He’s there. We know He’s there. But we don’t feel Him. Of course, the reasons for this are our own. Our own darkness. But nevertheless, there is this feeling of sometimes being alone or not being completely protected or being confused.

I’m sure that if the Lord was present with us visibly right now, there would be no confusion. When He speaks, we would feel peace. But this is not the way that the Lord would have us live. He would have us go before Him. He would have us do the things that He did. And in fact, the Lord said that we would do greater things than He. Because we would all do good things that the Lord taught us to do.

But He’s not visibly present with us. He is still praying and He’s still looking after us. And He still sends His angels to help us.

So the Apostles are in the waves and the wind, and it is early in the morning, before the sun would rise. If you ever have trouble sleeping, that time of day is the worst of all. There’s just a sense of real sadness about that day or real sense of melancholy just before the dawn. And so the Apostles were struggling and they didn’t know if they would live or not. They were afraid, but the Lord came to them.

And I find in my life, and I should think you should find in yours, that the Lord comes to you too in times of distress, in times of struggle, in times when you are down, in times when you’re not so sure of yourself, in times of – dare we even breathe it, dare we whisper it – when our faith fails us. And He comes.

But look what happened. They were afraid. The Lord is too much for us. We are about to, soon, I guess, whatever, in two weeks or so, celebrate the Transfiguration of the Lord. And when the Lord went up on the mountain and He became, as He is, visibly to the Apostles, that was way too much for the Apostles, that was too frightening, that was too much Grace, too much light, and they were afraid.

The greatness, the goodness of the Lord, is too much for us all at once. That’s why it comes little by little, because we could not bear it all because of our sins, our weaknesses, and our darkness.

The Lord walking on the water frightened the Apostles, and yet they were glad when they saw Him. And then Peter says, if it’s You, then tell me to come out and walk on the water too. And so Peter went and of course we know what happened. Peter failed. His faith was not strong enough. Even though the Lord was with him, his faith was not strong enough.

This kind of thing, to be honest with you, makes me happy because that’s me out there on the waves with the Lord right with me and I’m still sinking.

Many stories of great men in the Scriptures show their weaknesses. That’s for a reason. Just recently we celebrated Saint Elias. After a great victory, after killing all the prophets of Baal and having a great victory, he was afraid and he ran away. And then after this period where he ran away, the Lord fed him and sent him on a mission to a mountain, and he heard the voice of God in the cave. The Lord revealed Himself to Elias after Elias had shown cowardice, and yet Elias was great and is great.

And so is Peter great, but with weaknesses, with darkness, with fear. But the Lord will help us in all these things. The thing about Elias, the thing about Peter, the thing about all of the saints – they did not give up.

Don’t be afraid of your feelings. Don’t think that there’s somehow a sign that you’re not a Christian, that you don’t have enough faith. Well, of course, you don’t have enough faith. But do what you need to do despite your feelings.

And if any of you, I tell you, I tell you boldly, if any of you don’t sometimes have those feelings when you get tired and you wonder, you get confused about why the world is the way it is and why there’s so much pain and why God seems far away to you – if you don’t have these feelings sometimes, then you’re not thinking hard enough. Because these feelings are natural to the human condition.

The Lord is revealing Himself to us bit by bit. Like I said, we cannot take Him all at once, and He is too fantastic for our sinful hearts to fully believe in except we be converted, except we be changed.

And we need a lot of fourth watches of the night and a lot of storms and a lot of wind over many periods of our lives in order for us to truly believe in Him.

So don’t be afraid of having feelings that are negative. Just don’t give in to them.

Just believe that the Lord will come to you. And you will partially understand Him. But the next time a little bit more and a little bit more.

And of course, the understanding of the Lord is not understanding dogmatic facts about Him. The understanding of the Lord is to become like Him. So that we know Him by our experience. And that is over many, many occurrences in our life, some very difficult, some rather easy. But hundreds and thousands of times when we struggle to do the right thing, to follow the Commandments and when we struggle with loneliness and confusion and fear.

This Gospel gives me great hope. I hope it gives you great hope too because it describes the Lord coming to heal the human condition and how it happens in pieces. Little by little.

But in order for us to be healed, we must obey the Lord. And He says go before Him so we had best do that. We had best spread the good news to others in the way we live.

It doesn’t have to be by any absolute formal method.

It means to love others as the Lord loves us.

It means to be compassionate with others as we would be to ourselves.

It means to humble ourselves.

It means to think of others first.

It means to pray, and pray that God would reveal Himself to us and to our enemies.

And as we do this, little bit by little bit, the Lord reveals Himself in such a way that we can apprehend Him, in such a way that we can actually hold onto the things that He gives us and not drop them because they are too heavy, too wonderful, too fantastic for us to bear.

The way that we become able to see the Lord is to live like Him. And a lot of that living like Him is where we are sent out on our own.

There’s a lot of mothers, fathers, here. Nobody told you how to be a mother or a father. How many mistakes have you made? How many times have you wondered what is the right thing to say, to do? Why do I have this weakness? Why do I do this or that? And yet, your children know that you love them. You pray for your children. And by God’s Grace you will all be saved. But it’s not absolutely crystal clear at all, what to do.

And if you take the experience of being a mother or father and you multiply it by about a million, then you have what it feels like to be a pastor because so many times the pastor has no idea what to say, what to do, what is right, the right way to proceed or the wrong way. And yet, somehow by God’s Grace people grow, people change and God is revealed.

It’s the same in all of our lives, when you’re a mother, a father, a pastor, a sister or a brother, anybody. There’s much that we don’t know and we are sent out to do, even though we don’t completely understand. But the Lord is with us, even though we don’t feel Him.

That’s what this Gospel tells me. I hope it says something of the like to you. God is with us at all times, even when we don’t feel Him.

And we need these times, brothers and sisters, when we do not feel Him. So that we can learn to reach out for Him all the more and so that when we see Him and when we do feel Him, we would appreciate and obey Him and in a more complete way.

May God help us to look forward to, to endure those fourth watches of the night that come in our lives and to await for the Lord to enlighten us.

But remember, the way a Christian waits is not by sitting down and doing nothing. The way a Christian waits is by being in the ship and fighting the waves and the wind and believing that the Lord will come, and He will for us, every time.

May God help us in all things.

Transcribed by the hand of the handmaiden of God Helen.

Priest Seraphim Holland 3010.

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Jesus walks on the water Will we recognize Christ when He comes to us in the middle of the night?

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

9th Sunday after Pentecost
Matthew 14:22-34

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Brothers and sisters, when we read the Gospel, it’s not just a story. It is instruction.

This story about the Lord walking on the water is a vignette of our lives: The waves, the boat, the wind, the fact that the Lord came to them in the fourth watch of the night. Peter asked Him if it’s Him, and went out on the water. That describes us.

Let me explain. First off, the Lord went off apart from the people to a mountain to pray at night. The Fathers are very explicit. This teaches us how we should pray too. Make sure you take your time apart to pray: At night, early morning, some time when your thoughts are collected.

And the Lord was praying, but the disciples were out on a boat, and they were in a great storm. So the Lord was not with them in body.

I think that describes a lot of our life, doesn’t it? Don’t you have times in your life when things are happening too fast, with great difficulty? And you cannot cope? And sometimes doesn’t it seem, let’s admit it, the Lord doesn’t seem that close? Yes, we believe in Him, but we don’t seem to be communicating; we are not so sure; things are not going well.

That’s what’s happening to the disciples, because the Lord was not right in their midst. But if He had been right in their midst, would they have been afraid? No.

So He comes to them walking on the sea at the fourth watch of the night. That’s just before dawn. It had been a long time that they were fighting the storm in the darkness, the wind, the waves, in peril for their lives. And He comes to them. Now, when the Lord comes, all should be well with us. All the Lord needs to be is be with us and we should feel content. Much like when a child is scared. All they need is their mother or their father to be with them.

This happened to me many times as a nurse late at night working on the night shift. People would be very frightened sometimes late at night, or in the very early morning hours. All you needed to do was go in and hold their hand and be there. I couldn’t do anything about the disease that was ravaging their body; but the fact that I was just present with them, they would be calmer. So should it be with the Lord and us.

But that’s not what happened, was it? Peter said, if it’s you, tell me to go out on the waves. He still wasn’t sure, even though the Lord had announced Himself. Let’s not blame Peter for this. We would do the same thing.

This is a microcosm of our life.

The Lord comes to us all the time. And perhaps we don’t ask the question, Lord, is it really you that’s here? But we don’t recognize that He’s here. And we are not calm.

So Peter says, if it’s you, tell me to get out of the boat and walk to you. And he did. And then of course we know what happened. Peter saw the waves and the wind and he started to fall. Many people would say, oh, when he got out onto the waves and the wind, he lost sight of the Lord. That’s when the Lord rebuked him and said, ye of little faith.

I would say his show of little faith was before that, when he said: Is it you? The Lord had already said it was Him. He saw the Lord. He spoke to them. He said, “It is I, be not afraid”. What else do we need? That’s where he showed his weak faith. He got out in the water. It was almost preordained from there. You have weak faith, you’re going to fail.

When the Lord comes to us, we have to accept Him. Know that He’s there. But the Lord doesn’t come in a way that we expect every time. We like things to be arranged just so, but they’re not. So when the Lord comes, it might be in the midst of the wind and the waves and late at night, later than we would want Him to be. And we have to recognize Him.

Peter didn’t completely recognize Him. This is His instruction to us. I hope it’s instructed to you. Because it really strikes a cord in me. I’ve told you before, the answer to every question is Christ, and the reason for every problem is our lack of faith.

So when Christ appears and says, It is I, be not afraid, and then we say: Is it you? – That’s the wrong answer.

Instead, a Christian is at peace with the Lord with Him. You know, sometimes I admit to you, sometimes as a sinner I struggle if services are not well attended at weekday services or something; I’ve served Vespers by myself, liturgies with just one other person, and sometimes I get depressed about that. But fortunately, I remember, that He has said “where two or three are gathered among us, there I am with you.” I can’t say honestly that that completely alleviates all of my distress. It should, but it doesn’t, and that’s because of lack of faith.

The Lord is with us. If He’s present with us, then all should be well with us.

Peter shows us how not to behave when the Lord visits us. Instead, all should be well. We should be calm, the Lord will help us. I’m reminded of when the Lord says we must be like a little child. What would a child do when they saw the Lord? What would happen if a little boy was on the boat? Wouldn’t he tug on Peter’s cloak and say, ‘Look, there is Jesus!’ That’s all he would need. That’s all we should need. To have the faith of a little child is to believe the Lord, to be happy with His presence. Since He is always present, I guess we should be always happy.

Now, of course, life is hard. A lot of things happen that just shouldn’t happen, a lot of things, in our lives, in the lives of those we love. A lot of things in our own character that shouldn’t be there and should get better. So it’s not an instantaneous thing: Oh, the Lord is here, okay, now everything is perfect and hunky-dory. That’s not Christianity. Christianity is struggle to become better.

If we have to recognize the Lord’s presence in our lives, I’m absolutely convinced, the more and more I think about it, that the reason why we have our struggles and our travails is because we don’t recognize the Lord’s presence in our life.

I’m not sure why it is always. Sometimes it’s perhaps because of our sins, our distractions, our lack of faith, because we intellectualize things too much. I think a lot of it is because we don’t apply ourselves in the spiritual life so much. How are you going to recognize somebody if you barely know them? And we see what happens when we don’t recognize the Lord. Even with Him right there, Peter sunk into the waves.

Now, I’m sure all of us pray for various things, things that really matter to us. It’s good to pray, but it’s also very good to know when the prayer is answered. And you can see the disciples, they must have been praying, but they didn’t even know that their prayer was answered. It should not be like that.

Christianity is really simple. It’s hard, but it’s simple. The Lord is with us. The Lord will help us. We follow the Lord and all is good and all is well and the waves are calm and there is no wind. And the Lord is with us. And even if you feel waves and wind, if the Lord is with you, it is as if there is no waves and wind.

Now later on, Peter would understand this. He is among the greatest of the disciples, yes, he learned. His faith was great, but it took time for his faith to grow. So he made the same sort of mistakes that we all make. And the question is: Are we going to stop making these mistakes? Are we going to, when we pray for the Lord to help us, are we going to believe that He helps us? Are we going to recognize when He comes to visit us?

When Elias was in the cave, he didn’t hear the Lord in the earthquake or the flood or the fire – Only in the still small voice. You can’t hear that voice unless you’re quiet. You can’t recognize the Lord unless you listen for Him and you also become like Him.

Later on when Peter was transfigured and transformed, when he became a holy person, he recognized the Lord in everything now. He even went to the Cross without any fear. So it should be with us, brothers and sisters.

Our life, we are in this boat. Sometimes things are calm when we set out. But then later on, usually when there is some darkness in our life, things are stormy, things are difficult, and we don’t feel the immediate presence of the Lord.

The Lord is aware of what we need at all times. Our problem is we are not aware of this. So let us pray that our faith be increased, that we recognize the Lord is with us. And that all is well. Amen.

Matthew 14:22-34

22 And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away. 23 And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone. 24 But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. 26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. 27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. 28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. 29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. 31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? 32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased. 33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God. 34 And when they were gone over, they came into the land of Gennesaret.