The first step is to begin to pray more, and go to church. I would know more depending on where you live and other variables. Please call me at 972 658-5433 or email seraphim@orthodox.net. I think this is easier to do in person rather than through comments.

Your metaphors, Deborah, give MUCH to me.

Father: Thank you very much for the clarification about my use of metaphors. I have never had a problem with alcohol, but in some ways, being so much more subtle, my drug of choice was more dangerous than alcohol.

My use of metaphors can be quite ambiguous–especially posting on the Internet to be read by people who don’t know me. But I’ve had to quit worrying about that. The other day a poor Facebook friend, who although a relative, does not know me well, posted: “I’m not drunk enough for my life.” to which I could not help replying: “I’m not sober enough for mine.” I couldn’t help but wonder if she understood my metaphor…

We, I thought, sometimes change roles in the process of our life. This Gospel story is very personal, as everything is in the Gospel is about us, and closely related to our lives. The three characters here – father, elder son & younger son. We, Christians, should realize that we may occur in each of them: as the father – we should be ready to sacrifice everything, should show love & self-denial, and should be ready to FORGIVE, and accept our dear one if he/she made a mistake & left for the far country. We should be ready to receive him back, make him feel at home if he repented & is ready to begin a new life. It is so complicated. Are we ready to be such a person like the father? are we ready to forgive at least a small drawback of our neighbour? or the offense from the most dear & beloved one – which is the most hurtful & brings enormous pain, because it is caused by the person whom we trusted & whom we loved so much? I am not sure I am ready…

The young son – we, at a certain period of our life go far away, yes, far away from God, from ourselves – even ourselves the sinful, corrupted creatures, but we become even worse than that. Do we always know we’ll have the time & a chance to return? are we sure we’ll not rest there forever? will we be accepted by someone as the prodigal son was accepted by his loving father? will anyone stretch a helping hand to us if we slip up?

The elder son…This is the most difficult to me, as I associate myself with this one. He also left for the far country…but the younger son came to himself, and this one – by the moment of the story – not. He remained jealous, ungrateful, heartless, indifferent. Indifference kills. It is very difficult to cure. Yes, we often leave for the far land, but we also often live very near our Father, we declare noble deeds, we stick to Church establishments, we have everything for body & soul, everything enough for salvation. But we still remain indifferent & ungrateful. We take things for granted. and not things only – also: love, affection, friendship…and we are still hungry for something more, and still complain. This is what I fear. As this is a very FAR country, from which, God, bless me to return!

We will *not* be Christian until we feel acutely our brokenness. Every person should be able to tell the same sort of story as you have told. It need not be with elegant metaphors or fluid prose, but it must be felt acutely, deeply in the soul. I am not talking about an emotion, nor any kind of self-loathing. Neither of these apply to my homily, not your comments.

I’ve been there before. Suddenly looking around and asking myself “What am I doing here? Why am I not at home–in Papa’s house?” Not even really having a clear enough head to figure out how I even got in this mess in the first place.

Then it all starts to come back. That’s right. I had decided that I could manage my life on my own. So I took what I thought was mine and went out to ‘take on the world.’ I had such big plans. I was going to make it big, make Papa proud of me and return home a big success–with more than I left with.

But something happened along the way. The big city was much bigger (and far more dangerous) than I thought and my map didn’t turn out to be as good as I thought it was. I made a wrong turn somewhere and the next thing I knew–I was lost. I wasn’t alone, though. There were plenty of people around–all claiming to be able to tell me how to find my way to where I wanted to be. They were all either liars or losers like me who didn’t know anymore than I did how to get back on the Road to Success. We’re talking spiritual success–not worldly success. Papa wouldn’t care at all if I made it big in earthly things. No, I was going to impress him with my accomplishments in more lasting and important things. But first I had to find out where I was….

I become exhausted by my fruitless attempts to find my way. I am running out of money, out of strength, out of time… I am becoming discouraged—and despondent. Maybe this person can help me. No, he is more lost and despondent than I am. But we have a few drinks together…we may be lost but at least now the pain is a little less. More drinks…and the next thing I know I am waking up in a pigsty, starving and with a terrible hangover. Where am I? How did I get here?

As my head begins to clear, suddenly not only do I know I must return home to Papa—but, somehow, as weak and lost as I am, I know in which direction to start walking to get there!

The rest of the story you know. I am not home yet, but almost as soon as I started moving in the direction of home, Papa saw me and he has run almost the whole way to meet me! He has nearly knocked me over with his embrace–and I am being bathed in his tears of joy! And he has brought food! I realize now that I was so beat up from my wanderings in the city and my starvation in the pigsty that there is no way that I would have made it back home if he hadn’t come out to meet me, bandage my wounds, to hold me up, feed and encourage me.

All I wanted was to get back home, ask for forgiveness and find work so that I wouldn’t starve–but I haven’t even finished with my apology for my shameful, stupid behavior and he’s already treating me like royalty! What does one do with love like this? There are no words…tears and a broken and grateful heart will have to tell the rest of the story…..

“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded…Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.” James 4:8,10