The Lord uses many different ways to awake us from our spiritual sleep. Sometimes they seem really hard, “too strict”, “unfair”, but when time passes by, we understand how necessary they were, how timely, and feel apprehensive that God could not give us this chance, and if asked whether we prefer this lesson to never take place, or to never realize what God gave us, we, even having undergone sufferings, connected with this, will reconfirm that we’d prefer never to lose that blessed opportunity to know that He is with us, He takes care of us. And we’d never want to prefer to get the best in this life, as this world gives us, to what He gives us.

When I came to Church, and even when I believed, due to God’s grace, I wondered (and still wonder) how it could be with me? It was unreal – this happiness, this blessing – for me?! This thought makes me awake sometimes, when I allow myself despondency, complaints, etc. The thought, like the alarm, sound in my head – what if it had not happen to me? what could my life be? How awful if would be it it had not happened!! It doesn’t mean of course that I myself became better or I might be worse, but this would have been life without Christ, without the Holy Communion, without wonderful people I met…I think: how can I complain if I am surrounded by people I do not totally deserve?! if i received so many blessings?!

May God help me to become “a child of light”!

But sleep is so enticing when I am exhausted…it feels so good to close my eyes and shut out the world, the noise….the light. And to remain in bed in the morning, under the warm covers instead of facing the cold day of Reality. Of course, reality goes on even when I am sleeping. And all those who depend on my wakefulness and service suffer when I “sleep in”. I suffer. My sleeping, unmoving body gives in to the law of entropy and begins to run down….

How do I stay awake? How do I make myself rise to keep the morning watch? The answer is that I cannot on my own. It is the Lord who wakes me in the Garden of Gesthemane when I have fallen asleep. He it is that sends the storms to rouse me when I am sleeping in the ships of Tarshish. He is the one who raises me up to keep the morning watch.

One of my sons has recently developed an anxiety about his inability to pay attention and his wandering thoughts during our morning and evening prayers together. He interrupts me with pleas for me to please read a prayer over again–and even then he often says he still missed it and wants me to read it AGAIN. I wish I could say that I am always patient about this…We’ve tried various techniques to help him with his problem with focus and attention (which he inherited from his mom, BTW) while praying. Currently, I stop every few sentences and say “Attend”. This reminds him to keep his mind focused.

Your post has made me realize that there is a metaphor in this. We must learn to stay vigilant every moment–our survival depends on it. My young son is struggling to stay focused—but he needs help. I need help. I need those who will patiently repeat the same things over and over again to me until I ‘get it’. I need those who will remind me to “Attend!” I need the storms that rouse me from my slumbering cruise to Hell. I need the Lord to continue to wake me and remind me that the day of the Lord it is at hand.

Eventually, I will learn to stay focused and awake–and to resist the urge to hit the snooze button (more than once) for a few more minutes of sleep. But in the meantime, I am eternally grateful to those whom the Lord has sent to wake me, “lest I sleep unto death.”

Bless and Pray for,

Deborah