Surely “the lips of the wise disperse knowledge” (Pov 15:7) and “every scribe instructed concerning the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who brings out of his treasure things new and old” (Matt 13:52 NKJV).

This is so truly edifying for me. I can see that I am sick in need of Christ’s healing power, and that I should continue to struggle to do His will in all things, though I miss the mark on occasions.

“Whether I or others see the outward symptoms of my disease or not, I am diseased and whether I see it or not, I walk about shedding the virus of my sinful state continuously”. – very-very true…This is something that I constantly feel – there is much dirt inside me, and I cannot find enough words to express it & to confess it. It is deeper & much more dangerous that I feel I can shape it all in words or concrete actions, as what I feel is – that all sins, symptoms I say or even think – this is far not sufficient…Maybe it’s because I don’t see my sins, but I can feel the corruption of my soul nevertheless.

Father, Bless,
This disease model/metaphor for sin is powerful. In the early 1900′s there was a woman in New York who worked as a cook. Unknown to her was the fact that she was a symptomless carrier of typhoid fever. Several people were infected and some died in the households where she worked before the disease was traced to her. However, even after she was told that she was a carrier and that she must stop cooking for people, she refused to believe and continued infecting and killiing people. She was finally forced into permanent quarantine on an island.

I thought of this story of “Typhoid Mary” when I read your post and when a while ago I read a story of St. Moses the Black. Upon being called to help judge a fellow monk who had fallen into sin, he took a leaky jug of water and trailing water, walked into the meeting and said “My sins trail out behind me and I do not see them–and I come to judge my brother.” Whether I or others see the outward symptoms of my disease or not, I am diseased and whether I see it or not, I walk about shedding the virus of my sinful state continuously.

I have a difficulty before the confession, because I always thought I have “not enough” of this “bunch of staff”, and what I can say about what I did wrong, or, which is more probable in my case – I still cannot notice my sins. But still – when I confess this way, there is always a feeling, quite a torturing one, that something is wrong, that I enumerated the things, but did not purify my soul. It does give a feeling of repentance. As this kind of confession turns into formality, and maybe because of this I have a feeling of guilt. and still something heavy remains in my heart. This is why for me it is more useful & “healthy” to confess “what kind of person I am”, which gives much assistance to my soul. But I always thought that it is not quite right, that I should say only practical things during the confession. Having read your homily, I understood that my tendency to confess what person I am, my weaknesses, sinful inclinations is actually correct. And it was a mistake from my side to try to restrain from this, as for me it always seemed logical that we confess not the symptoms only, but the disease. It’s really a God’s blessing if a person can (at least sometimes!) see this disease in himself! The priests never objected this, but I myself – I don’t know why – considered that I should focus more on actual deeds, sins by action. Really, thoughtless enumeration without thorough analysis, without regretting about core things, without strict observation of our personal fallen nature, cannot be called repentance….Only if we realize how broken & sinful WE ARE, we’ll have a chance to understand what we do, and why we do something sinful. and – with the help of God, the priest, our efforts – maybe improve something in the core mechanism:-)