Shameful is that I don’t use the blessing God game me at this period of my life: there is a monastery not far from my house, with daily services, but I don’t use fully this opportunity. There are of course serious reasons for this, but mainly there are others. The common name of them can be called laziness. I can recognise that this is the reason because I feel shame & repentance. For me it means that I could but did not. It happens quite often, that when we don’t have something which we wish greatly, we imagine that if only we could have it – how happily we would immediately use it! In this case I mean the opportunity to go to church more often. But what happens? when we receive this precious chance at last we..don’t appreciate it fully, we miss it. Here it’s, I think, very important to remember that due to our sloth, laziness & lack of gratitude, this chance (more precisely – the gift) can be taken away from us.
Often, when I just come to church, or even earlier – when I approach the church & see golden domes from a distance, my heart starts pounding happliy, I forget earthy things, my pace becomes faster…and I realise how much I could have missed if I haven’t had come there that day! To overcome my inertness I also often think of those who cannot go to church though would do it necessarity – who are ill, far away… and this helps me to fight with myself.

Hoping for your prayers,

Natalia

There was once a deep awareness and recognition of our sinfulness and depravity in many Christian denominations. But we have lost our shame. Shame over our sins is necessary for repentance but it is also painful–or at least very uncomfortable. And we are not into discomfort in our culture–quite the opposite. We want everything padded, air conditioned, convenient and entertaining.

I don’t know why it is but it seems that more comforts I have, the harder it is for me to give any of them up. Those who have little seem more willing to part with what little they have than those who have much. But the more I have the more I want. Somehow the cycle has to be broken–somehow I have to come to the point of being willing to give up my comforts and comfortable complacency.

Orthodoxy has certainly pushed me out of my comfort zone.

Bless,

Deborah